Under Over pressure...

I look around, and the pressure is lifting. It’s like the tornado that’s swept up my life in the last little while has passed all the way through this low-key town. I think I’m starting to get over this fear of future frenzy (or funk, or fever) that I’ve come down with in the last little while (oh how I love alliteration). I feel…whole again, kinda, sorta…I guess. I think the pressure of school was weighing down on me, maybe I wasn’t getting as much done personally, hell whatever contributed to it is subsiding, but it seems like it’ll be something recurring. The pressure is always going to rise and fall throughout the semester, and throughout my lifetime for the next 10 or 11 weeks or so…but now I’ll know how to deal with it.

They say that breakdowns lead to breakthroughs…although I really wouldn’t call what I’ve been experiencing in the last little while a “breakdown” exactly, but perhaps just a series of little ones.

Things are still stuck in the back of my mind, you know, about the future. But I keep convincing myself that since I know they exist, I’m gonna do something about them. I’ve been on a pretty constant pattern of overall awareness and alertness as to what’s going on, and if I can keep up this pattern, I’ll be able to brave whatever school and life outside of it can throw at me.

A thought just occurred to me…why don’t I listen to what people are saying when I tell them about this irrational fear of the future? “You’re still young!” they say, “you have plenty of time to make your decisions, and there plenty of things you can do!” There are people in my program who are pushing 30...I hate to say it, but once this is all said and done, they’re out of options. I mean I’ve gotta maintain that I’m a firm believer in that “it’s never too late” attitude, but I’m just saying that I have more time than they do and that should give me a sense of…I dunno…comfort.

Ideally, my master plan was to have a solid job within two or three years of graduating this program…but who knows. Maybe I’ll find work that pays, related or unrelated to my field. Maybe it’ll be something substantial, something not…I can always do some volunteering on the side, save up money, maybe I WILL study abroad even though I don’t really see it as a possibility at this point in time. You never really know…

Of course, there’s also that other possibility of becoming a famous musician, that’s as possible an outcome as any other…

Just puttin’ it out there…

And thanks for reading it,
Joe